Nourishing on Mom’s Love

By Michelle Beadle Holder

Is there a person in your family or friendship circle who is known for cooking well?  In my family, my brother likes to claim that he is the best cook but, everyone knows that it’s our mother.  

To get to the bottom of what makes her a good cook, I asked my mother to tell me her secret. Her answer has always been consistent.  She would say, “Michelle, it’s the love.”  Being one to complicate things at times, I thought to myself, it can’t be that simple. There must be more to good cooking.  Plus, what is love anyway?

I asked my mom to elaborate on what she meant by love.  How did she put love in the pot?  Before she could respond, my aunt interjected by saying, “It’s the technique.  It’s the spices and ingredients.”  While my mother acknowledged that technique and ingredients are important, she insisted that love was the main ingredient.  So I became curious about the connection between food and love. 

Putting Your Heart In It

For my mother, putting love in the pot requires a presence of heart.  She shared that a dish goes from good to excellent, “because your heart is in it.  That’s what makes the difference.” In mixture of standard English and Jamaican patwa, my mom, aunt, and I had the following exchange about home cooking, food, and love.

Aunt: When I was a kid, mi used to like when mi sista cook […] because her food is more palatable than mi mommy. I don’t know […] maybe it’s the type of seasoning she use, because there is a technique in cooking.

Mom: You know what it is? It’s love.

Aunt: No man there is a technique.

Mom: It is love Donna!

Aunt: Sometimes you haffi rub in the seasoning good.

Mom: That’s love [laugh]. Right Michelle?

Me: Yes?

Aunt: Cause two people can use the same seasoning.

Mom: And fi you food taste better. But then that is de love! Because your heart is in it. That’s what make the difference. 

Me: So mommy when you say love, what does that mean?

Mom: You put love inna de pot.

Me: How you capture love inna de pot?

Aunt: A dat mi a seh.  A how she rub it [the spices] in.  You rub it in good. [laugh]

Mom: Michelle, [I mean] being that what you doing, you in it.  You know, if I’m doing something and mi not in it, it no come out so good. 

Me: When you say, “you in it,” what do you mean?  Describe it to me.

Mom: Mi no know how to describe it to you.

Aunt: She loves cooking and she wants to cook.  She puts her all in it because sometimes some people just do a thing because they have to do it.  So when you really spend time in it [and] it really comes out savory.

Mom: If I’m gonna bake and mi no feel like baking, it don’t come out good.  And the minute mi feel better and seh okay, today is the day mi go bake, you get a good cake.  You in the mood to do it.

Me: So can you still give the love and not be in the mood to do it?

Aunt: Michelle is a brilliant girl.

Mom: Yes!  But then again, there are sometimes that some meat tek the seasoning better than some.  Cause some again, you don’t have to season them up and let them sit for a long time before it taste good.

Aunt: A true!

Love Inna De Pot

It was great to talk to my mother and aunt about food and love.  It’s a topic that I had not given much thought to before then. My favorite part of the conversation was hearing how they sometimes disagreed and how my aunt would interject to give voice to her sister’s thoughts.  Of the two, mom is less vocal and so that’s why I always ask her tons of questions. 

Based on our conversation, I learned that love can be expressed through food.  While having great ingredients and technique are important, giving of one's heart, attention, and time are the invisible ingredients to an excellent meal.  Food created with “heart” has allowed me, my siblings, extended family, and friends to nourish on the love of my mother’s culinary creations. 

How does love show up in the food that you prepare or the meals that are prepared for you?